Well! It seems the fastest way to watch a video is to get the actual DVD from home, not download it. And this is the first one I pulled out.
Since the advent of the novel, people have referenced this story in almost every imaginable way possible. Since American McGee's Alice, little emo gothkids everywhere have been stealing the image of the cheshire cat and a twisted alice to show how cool the bastardization of precious memories can be (I liked the game though, so I probably fall into that category).
In any case, here come dis review:
So one of the first few things to note is the stunning background artwork of this film. Right from the opening scene, the artist's hand is clearly visible in producing environment, and although the cell shading of the characters themselves are flatly 2D, they are still great illustrations. In later scenes, this movie could certainly give Tim Burton a run for his money with some very off the wall and stylized graphics.
The American Accent. Not as tasty as apple pie.
The second thing is the voice talent, which is charming for the sole reason that this movie was made when many Americans still had colonially English accents, not the crass rasping of what I would translate visually as shoving a toilet brush up someone's butt and twisting.
The movie starts out with Alice, a tween girl (who, strangely for Disney, LOOKS like a tween girl, not an unageable adult). Alice, as we have all assumed, is cracked out on only the finest peyote, and is babbling about "her world" much to the confusion of her cat, who's default face is "wtf," and the chagrin of her older sister. Older sister's just don't understand.
IMA MUNCH YOU GOOD LOLCATZ
By the way, Alice clearly has the munchies and is eyeing her cat very disturbingly.
She sings a song about talking flowers and rabbits and basically everything she is about to see when she gets to Wonderland. So...the end, I just basically got everything thats going to happen. But I'll keep watching anyway, I guess.
Woaah! Introducing the white rabbit! With his famous "I murdered my wife" line. Wait..what? That wasn't it? Wrong movie. So Alice, like a typical naughty girl, runs away from her lesson. Her sister told her to concentrate on her lessons, but like a typical girl, she doesn't listen. When Alice falls down the bunny hole, she is so stoned that she really doesn't give a shit. She picks up a book and starts reading!
Bored with Academia, Alice decides to start exploring her sexual prowess and molests a doorknob. Unfortunately she is too young to realise that turning, and turning on, are two completely different actions. And that tweaking someone's nose, no matter how phallic like, probably won't leave them pleased. Having failed to seduce the Doorknob, Alice decides to commit suicide by drinking poison, because the bottle told her to. I wonder if she always responds to the command "eat me".
In any case, the one time she does as she's told, it backfires, and she cries like a baby. As she's drowning in her tears, she's completely nonchalant!
She's totally thinking of Zac Efron right now. You know she is. That's her O face
This movie is pretty much the epitome of the average american tween girl. She's disobedient, stoned out of her mind, puts strange things in her mouth and is completely bipolar. (she also starts to wig out at every small thing, but that comes later). This is what we in psychology like to call, "buttfuck insane".
Anyway she happens upon a Dodo leading a caucus race, and I have no idea what that is. I think it involves the fact that the dodo is trying very hard to drown the runners but he isn't very good at it. She runs away and into the clutches of tweedle dum and tweedle dee, who scold her for not having manners, and rightly so! Through this whole movie she's been a rotten little brat, molesting knobs and running over innocent starfish. She'll have no part in their etiquette and tells them to sod the hell off. As punishment they tell her a very boring story of a carpenter and my grade 11 classics teacher. This is nothing special, we've all tricked an entire population into being our dinner, so I'll just skip this.
The rabbit totally BITCHES out Alice, calling her Marianne, and save short of telling her to get in the kitchen and bake a pie. Alice sniffs his underwear and grows several sizes, as she is gender confused (speaking of which, I couldn't help but notice the pink triangles on the rabbit's front gate of his pink house. It's all making sense now). The Dodo is up to his tricks again, sending a gecko to his grave by sacrificing him to the Alice monster. This guy is totally getting off on mass suicides and I'm pretty sure the rabiit is enjoying it too. Bill the gecko is rocketed into the air, and Dodo suggests he burns the house down, adding arson to his list of turn ons. This guy is seriously messed.
Alice shrinks once again, and stumbles into the land of singing flowers. There is only one male flower and he is some sort of bear thing like Animal from the muppets, so I think hes like... one of those hairy gay flowers you hear about. Unfortunately they are all menopausal, and freak out on her when she ruins their song by hitting the wrong note. They sniff her hair and call her "weed", so they're on the right track there.
Alice buggers off and comes across everyones old favourite, the Caterpillar, dragging on opium. What I like is that back then, Disney didn't care about whiny uppity PC fun police and showed overt uses of drugs and drinking (re: Dumbo). I love this scene. The 'pillar totally shows her up. I also love that he doesn't have any control of his own other limbs, and the fact that he has human hands. He also coined the term, "exacitically". Actually, I think I find a lot of myself in this character. Mainly the fact that he gets so pissed off at the slightest thing and then explodes into a puff of smoke and flies off as if nothing were wrong.
Alice takes her anger out on a mama bird and does 'shrooms some more.
Chesire cat time! Or is it tigger? or is it winnie the pooh? or is it the wizard bear from Gummi bears? Oh who cares, they're all great! The chesire cat does the best rendition of Jabberwocky in his little song. I've never been able to place a tune on that poem, but Disney does a good job getting one out of it.
When they talk about madness, I REALLY wish they had kept the original lines:
"Everyone is mad here, I'm mad, you're mad-"
"I'm not mad!"
"Of course you are, or you wouldn't be here!"
It's such a good one that pretty much rounds out the movie.
Now me move onto the hardest secret place to get to in Kingdom Hearts: the Mad Hatter's party. I remember finding it and not knowing how I got there. Note to self; play this game again sometime soon. They all scold Alice for being rude and sitting where she is not invited. They poison her tea with a doormouse. This scene also educated an entire generation on the dangers of mercury poisoning: if you are in contact with dangerous amount of mercury, you have the superhuman ability to eat ceramics with no physical injury. And keeping in the vein of enjoying other people's misery, they destroy the rabbit's watch and toss him on his keister. Alice, growing accustomed to S&M, find's this all too erotic and leaves before she messes herself.
Ok, so she gets lost- -wait a second. I just noticed something. Alice's thighs are like wow. I mean thunder thighs to the extreme. You could crack nuts between them, and I'm sure she often does, while on crack.
She cries like a baby again. She is blossoming into a lovely young lady. With mental problems. Everyone else is brought to tears because their ears are bleeding. Then something happens...they all start disapparating? This scene is actually really sad, as her imagination starts to die out and disappear altogether.
Anyway she takes some uppers and is on her way to see the queen, only to stop and spy on some very effeminate playing cards, painting roses red. I'm guessing the paint is actually the blood of decapitation victims.
This next scene is one of the coolest in the movie. The playing cards to a trippy dance music sequence. Unfortunately it's really similar to the pink elephant scene in Dumbo, so it doesn't get props for originality.
Enter the Queen! (reluctantly:)...and the King...
It is just so deLIGHTful that Cameryn Manheim has a secure spot with Disney, predating her Ratcliffe role (see last review). The king is played by the same woman who does 'Granny' from sylvester cartoons.
Anyway, the croquet game: evidently this movie predates PETA, as it involves smacking the crap out of small animals with bigger animals. And when she doesnt get her way, she executes a card! Boy what a life. Alice tries to mount a croquet stick.
Alice, 'choking the pink flamingo'.
Stuff happens, and another classic line:
Queen: "What do you know of this unfortunate affair?"
March Hare: "Nothing"
"Nothing whatever?"
"Nothing whatever!"
"THAAAAAAATS VERY IMPORTANT!!!"
More stuff happens and it all turns out it was a dream, and Alice has to wake herself up lest she be torn to shreds by a lynch mob. Having given up all hope, she tries to masturbate with the doorknob one more time. This seems to do the trick, but awkwardly she wakes up to see her sister, who pretends nothing happened and tells her to come to tea, which she has poisoned. The End.
One thing I like about this movie, that was rather different, was that there was no love interest! I mean, Alice must have CLEARLY had a thing for the bunny, but since Disney is anti beastiality (except for Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King and all Air Bud movies), they downplay that romantic twist.
Having watched this on DVD, I was fortunate enough to see the bonus features, which included commentary by Catherine Beaumont, the original voice of alice. Charming!
The most memorable song in this movie? I'm not sure, none of them stand out fantastically, but the 'Painting the roses red' is probably the most recognized. This song isnt known for it's music, but it's still a music in every sense.
I give Alice in Wonderland a 7.5 out of ten, only because they didn't have any really smashing songs. It's a wonderful film from the late classic era.
Would I watch again?
Most definately!
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